Single in the City-74, 3, 35

By ME from my column in 'The Citizen Newspaper' on Saturday's. I thought to officially start sharing them in MKEKA too. 

Issue 74

Revved up for the girl fight

Hassan listened to her, he didn’t think her dreams childish nor her cutting photos of Ally Kiba, from the frayed newspapers at the village courtyard, where her mom sold the local beer.  Which she stuck with starch glue on the covers of her exercise books-scandalous or a waste of time as her teachers did.

So they flew together, she Amina all of 15 years old and he 17, already out from school working with his brother at the family’s mill. In the harsh world they lived in, they afforded themselves a glimpse into bliss now & again. By sneaking in to see each other in the fields before curfew, when they’re out on ‘errands’. 

One day calloused farm fingers slipped inside her blouse, finding her soft nipples. Blood was rushing to his face in awe and she was looking down though not protesting as despite being shy. She had seen the pure delight in his eyes and she intended to keep it there. Even though she knew this was forbidden, then again how many things did adults forbid that just choked the life out of you, when was she supposed to enjoy life. 

What I really, really want…

I with friends from left Dimple & Haika

There’s a music video circulating social media, a re-make of the 90’s pop single ‘wannabe’ by Spice Girls. Sponsored by the ‘global goals campaign’, it’s hip and lively as the original with the twist of having several banners in the video ascertaining girl & women rights.  The campaign is asking women & girls worldwide to answer ’what i really really want’ with regards to their development.

As you may you know teenage pregnancies in our country is a dire problem which affects our young girls education. “In 2006, about 44,742 pupils dropped out of primary school, 7,734 students dropped out of secondary schools, over 60% being girls…The empower girls in East Africa website, (www.lenana.net) presents…a total of 4,965 pregnancy related secondary school drop outs in 2009 alone.”-Carolyn Mbelwa & Kahabi Ganka Isangula- Teen Pregnancy: Children Having Children-SSRN Electronic Journal · March 2012 

Thankfully our laws now (as of this month) declare illegal marriage for anyone under the age of 18. Still this won’t necessarily restrain Amina from having unprotected sex, particularly if she doesn’t know the nitty-gritty of how one gets pregnant. Much less how to take care of herself whilst pregnant; so she doesn’t contribute to the 34% stunted children and the other dire numbers of malnutrition cases pertaining to women and children in the country. 

Is a sexually informed teenage girl

With fellow poet Keziah Ayikoru 

Now as you can guess ‘what I really, really want’ is to tell Amina. That it’s ok to have a boyfriend in her teens, unlike what her parents or teachers might say. It’s ok to have that one person who is close to you, while you experience too many burdens for any singleton at your age to bear alone. I’m talking fetching water from long distances, taking care of your siblings basically living a life as though you’re an adult, when many parts of you are still too young. 

However I’d also like to tell her that she’s a young woman, thus able to bear child and that this begins with Hassan fondling her breasts. So before she jumps into making him happy as he does her, an honest conversation needs happen; where the facts of sexual intercourse are ironed out. Facts which she more than he needs to accept, as society is brutal to the woman when she’s an unwed mother. 

In supporting Amina, we need to stop being so harsh to these young ladies. By empathising with the young teenager in ourselves, who in her case has no access to factual sex education. Whose days are peppered with so many chores that, to deny herself a home in the one happy place she finds with ‘Hassan’ is brutal. Speaking to her from this level, by letting her know she does have power over her body, that even if now she’s a young mother. She’s still worthy and powerful is humane. For as I always say we’re all born single and shall meet our death recount by our single some, why not be empathetic. 

Issue No 35 

Reclaim your peace 

Before the city rubs its rough on you, before you balk at the mounting chores that ought to be done, rush out of the house to brace the traffic one more time. Listen to the rasp of your voice, the vulnerable of your eyes opening up to the view of a new day. With the hazy gaze that reveals the person who can enjoy the sultry of sleep, the cocoon of dreams.

It’s another day the sun has slowly announced its stay and peeping through the mesh of net at the window. Are golden rays, shimmering with a warm golden hue that invites you to the adventure of a brand new day. 

It’s not easy to remain positive in our cities, despite living in the tropics where sunlight is a norm. We’re seemingly engulfed in a dark cloud of winter that doesn’t allow for the fickle emotion of joy. 

You have a right to your joy

There’s a saying ‘birds of the same feathers flock together’. I equate it to the law of attraction which goes ‘like energy, attracts like energy’. You know when you find yourself encountering the same problem over and over again.

As one of my favourite authors and life coach Iyanla Vanzant puts it “Maybe you always end up in drama-filled relationships, or you go through endless cycles of overeating and guilt. The challenge with negative patterns is that they're unconscious. But we can train our minds to recognize them by paying attention to our emotions: When we feel pain we've felt countless times before, we must ask ourselves why.”

It’s important to acknowledge here that doing the wrong thing isn’t equal to being unworthy. If anything no one who has achieved greatness in life, did so from birth. We’re all on a journey of growth and mistakes are guaranteed.

However what measures a deed as a mistake boils down to whether it infringes on your quest for joy and the fundamental quest of the same by others. It then follows my mistake could well be your triumph and so forth.  

So admit your power…

 

Yet admitting we’re living in a free world, where the boundaries have only been set by humans. Meaning you, like those who have set the guidelines that govern your life (be it religious, cultural or national), have the same power. Is not a drink for everybody, most of us would rather not admit our power.

It’s easier to lurk in the shadows of following the trends. Whether it’s the trend of not hugging your child in the morning, letting them know they’re loved. Instead the words greeting them as they leave the door, “Hizo nywele embu njoo, ivi nimekuambiaje aya umekumbuka kunywa dawa na lile daftari la mazoezi ulilichukua...”

If you’ve ever been sick, picture yourself in the throes of that pain. Recall then how you’d give anything to taste food without the current sour taste in your mouth. How you’d give anything to walk, underneath a clear blue sky with the rustling leaves of a ‘mnazi’, without feeling faint. Indeed what you now in full health take for granted is a gift and we owe it to ourselves to respect it.

This can be achieved quickly by taking stock of your state of mind. Your state of being, the mother above is being ‘anxious’. She’s not coming from a state of ‘peace’ or ‘love’; otherwise the dialogue with her 8 year old daughter might have gone something like this.

“Haya nipe chum chum zangu, ndio najua umekua lakini we bado mwanangu...” this Ma Halima reiterates while shooing her cheeks close to Halima’s lips, who grudgingly but with a smile at the end pecks her mom’s cheeks. 

“Sawa, siku njema” this is said while smoothing Halima’s hair after a hug. “Alafu jana kama niliona daftari lako la mazoezi kule ‘study’; umekumbuka kulichukua.” Ma Halima finishes whilst looking at her daughter’s eyes with love. “Ooh, kweli sikulirudisha kwenye begi, ahsante mama...” Halima soon rushes out the door with a spring in her step.

Well as I always quip we’re all born single and shall meet our death recount by our single some; it’s wise to be present in this one life.

Issue No 3

A page from ‘Old School’ etiquette…

So I was reading on an editorial review of the ‘my dress my choice’ protests that occurred in Kenya late last year. Written by Nanjala Nyabola & thought to share her words.

“Some people have suggested that the source of these views is religion….

However weakening this theory is the fact there don’t seem to be similarly violent responses to other acts that might be deemed religiously indecent…So what is the reason? Well…In Kenya the political economy of the female form reveals plenty about national change and indeterminacy and appeals to “return to traditional values”.”-New African Magazine.

You know when I was a teenager I abhorred when I heard adults talk of the good old times, it seemed to me a cop out where they allowed themselves to be inanimate to current challenges or situations.. Today I’m of the same mind except now I’m one of the adults and I have a few ‘In the good old day’ nostalgic opinions.

I am a woman not a prize… 

 

That said you better know when a female is stripped in public by a group of men and yes it’s happened plenty in Dar es Salaam. (Just you wear a bikini with a chiffon see through kimono and walk the streets of Kariakoo tomorrow and tell me of your ‘excursion’). There’s cause for a nation to worry...

My theory comes close to Nanjala’s in that the economy has much to do with our ‘morals’ and less a divine inspiration. For looking back at our ‘ujamaa’ days, where availability of fashionable clothes was almost nonexistent; here donning loose clothes was a constant in almost every woman’s weekly outdoor excursions. Save the few times you get to wear ‘your present from overseas garment’ that you’d put on to go to church, a wedding or graduation party etc.

This means in the back of our minds looking drab today in loose fitting clothes brings back to us ‘adults’ a time where there was more economic stability. Less margins between the rich and downtrodden as is the current case, with western designed ‘indecent’ clothing symbolizing an economic affluence and freedom that’s more a pipe dream to many native Tanzanians.

So act right when you woo me… 

 

Still I say to the men and rigid women stuck in the 60’s lets be adults and stop getting stuck in the ‘Zamani bwana, tulikuwa na adabu….’ Blablabla. For really if we’re going to be economically free it’s time we claimed back our brains.

Its true when you’re hungry you act irrational, ever since I was ‘single in the city’ meaning living alone. I’ve seen it live when I’ve skipped a meal or two; I literary start functioning close to a frenzied animal. However I try really hard not to get outside and flog a rapist and or someone I don’t agree with morally. As I have ‘staha’ that is staying power.

So men here’s the +255, yes its true women like to be chased but don’t forget we also know how to set traps such that we snag our kill. Meaning in effect men and women all love to hunt, we just have different means of acquiring our kill. 

And am using my brain here, to bring out what from the past still stands the test of time in trying to get under a lady’s pants instead of publicly stripping her. Try smiling at her, then venture a hello oh and ensure you make an endearing fool of yourself to get her contacts. For as I quip we’re all born ‘single and shall die single’.


© All photos are copyright of Caroline Anande Uliwa